This one is going to find who it is looking for.
Maybe that is you. Maybe you will read the next few lines and realize this one was not written for your specific season and you will tuck it away for someone else. Either way I am glad you are here. Because even if this one is not yours, I believe you know someone it belongs to. And I trust that God will use you to get it to her.
This letter is for the woman who is carrying a grief she has never been given permission to name out loud. It may be connected to an abortion. It may be connected to a decision she made that she has never fully looked at in the light. Whatever it is, she has been carrying it in silence. And she has been carrying it alone for a very long time.
If that is you, keep reading. This one is for you.
I know what it is to do the math before your feet hit the floor. To wake up on a random Thursday and calculate how old they would be right now. To look at a child and feel something move in you that you immediately push back down because you have gotten very good at pushing it back down. To hold someone else's baby with a smile that costs you something nobody in the room can see.
I know what it is to wonder whether the decision you made will follow you into the mother you are trying to become. Whether the thoughts will still be there. Whether you will ever be fully present without the weight of this living underneath everything.
I know what the silence feels like. I lived in it for a long time.
After my testimony video went out, my DMs and my comments became something I was not prepared for. Woman after woman after woman reaching out to tell me that they had been there too. That they had made the same decision. That they had been carrying it ever since in a silence so practiced it had become a second skin. Some of them had never told a single person.
I could not scroll past that. I could not receive all of that and stay quiet. So I went to God and I asked Him what to say. Because this conversation is too important for me to get wrong. And what He dropped in me was not a theological lecture. It was a question.
Does she know what I say about her right now?
Not after she heals. Not after she figures it out. Right now. Today. In the middle of everything she is carrying.
That is what this video is about.
Before we can talk about healing we have to talk about where you stand. And what I found out changed the ground I was standing on. I take you into a courtroom in this video. Not to make it complicated. To make it clear. Because once you understand what God has already declared over you, specifically over this, specifically over her, it is not the same after that.
I also talk about what comes after the verdict. Because being declared righteous does not mean the grief disappears overnight. The process is real. The tears at night are real. The what ifs that find you on a random Thursday are real. And God does not ask you to perform your way through any of it. He asks you to bring it to Him. Every tear. Every question. Every morning you do the math.
Come watch it. And if it finds you at the right moment, send it to someone else who has been carrying something alone too. Because that is how God works. One woman at the right moment finding the room she did not know she needed to walk into.
WATCH HERE: HEALING AFTER ABORTION | THE PROCESS
With love & prayer,
Layla